Saturday, October 30, 2010

HAUNTINGS

Truly, I have done everything that I know how to do to make this Halloween bewitching and wondrous.  I feel as though I fell short.  There is SO much going on behind the scenes.

My father's veins are collapsing because he is dehydrated.  His eyes no longer focus on any of us.  These are difficult days.  Today he managed to string three words together that haunt me - "I'm not sad".  What do I take from this?  All I can manage is to stroke his hand, his bony shoulder, his head, and weep.

I leave Scott sitting at the kitchen table opening Mass cards.  He is also weeping.  I think that perhaps we are doing exactly what we are supposed to do.  We are grieving - it is all Hallow's Eve.  Perhaps we need a Bonfire!  A cleansing ritual. Or not.

There is knitting -
The paragon, the patrician, the prodigious MONKEY!  Ok, so I know that I'm late to the party, but I've never been ahead of the curve.  I tried to link this to Cookie's web, but failed.  Too much effort to go back at it again.
I pick up my needles and let the yarn find the way.  So much of this knitting business is memory, habit, solace.


5 comments:

JelliDonut said...

"... memory, habit, solace." This is why I knit. Here's hoping for better days ahead of you, friend.

Bea said...

I'm sorry its been so rough lately. You guys have been in my thoughts. If I was there I would give you a huge hug and take a long walk with you and the pups. I've a HUMONGOUS bowl of candy to hand out tonight. We've no decorations otherwise. I hope people show up because I don't really want candy to hang around here.

MeinSie said...

dear friend - I did pass by your "neighborhood" as drove from nyc eileen fisher meeting to go to my mother who is now in an assisted living residence - she prefers the wheelchair now when we go on an excursion to the hospital or doctor...and year now since losing my father....so it can be hard though important to accompany our parents in the journey that we will also make someday....
big hug for you.

creativedawn said...

Prayers for your father and your family and you!
You've explained knitting and that's why I enjoy knitting also. That is a beautiful knitting project...looks like a sock! gorgeous fiber!

hugz
Pam

Paulina said...

My Dear One. We are always in search of happiness. So when we are faced with grief it is difficult. Yet grief is as natural to us as joy is. We just don't realize it because we are no longer taught that from birth. Sadness and grief are the very same emotions as laughter and joy. Let it fill you, write down the words that come to you, just as you would if it were happiness. I sit here and my eyes are gently opening and closing feeling that which you feel, having been there so many times and I hold you as though I were with you, making you lovely coffee and cake. If I could, I would fly there this instant. And smile at you with my new smile. Keep talking to your lovely friends. Express your words. We are here to love you.